Cid Interviews
by Rikkuclone
Summary: Cid from Final Fantasy X has a T.V show and interviews characters from other final fantasys and Kingdom Hearts. He soon finds out that hosting a T.V show is quiet a hassle, especialy when his guests are causing nothing but chaos!
1. Chapter 1

Episode 1

Cid: Hello and welcome to the first showing of my new show, Cid Interviews! I will be interviewing characters from different Final Fantasy games, well mainly just FF-X, FF X-2, and FF VII. Today, my first guest will be Tidus from FF-X.

Tidus walks onto the stage and sits in a really big chair

Cid: Welcome to my show Tidus, how are you doing?

Tidus: I'm doing great, I'm glad to be here.

Cid: Oh, and before I start asking questions, I want to introduce my niece and co-guest, High Summoner Yuna!

Yuna walks in and sits in a chair next to Tidus

Yuna: Hi uncle Cid, hello Tidus.

Cid: Welcome Yuna. Well, ok, for my first question, are you two really in love with each other, I mean, everyone keeps asking this question and we really need an answer.

Yuna: Well, yes, I am in love with Tidus.

Tidus: Ok, um, how do I say this, well, ummm, Yuna…..I'M IN LOVE WITH YOUR COUSIN RIKKU!

Rikku and Auron, who were in the audience come onto the stage

Cid, Yuna, Rikku, Auron: WHAT!

Yuna: Tidus, please don't tell me this is true, I mean, after all we have been through together.

Tidus: I'm sorry, but I can't hide it any longer, its true, Rikku, I love you, marry me?

Yuna: Rikku, how could you!

Yuna runs around it circles crying

Tidus: So Rikku, what do you say you and me get hitched?

Auron and Cid: WHAT!

Rikku: Well, ummm, Tidus, that may be nice for you, but I'm sorry, MY HEART BELONGS TO ANOTHER!

Cid: Oh man is this juicy or what… So, tell me my daughter of mine, who does your heart belong to?

Rikku: Well, ummmm….heehee, ummmm, AURON!

Auron: Hn. You don't know how long I have been waiting for you to say that, I love you too.

Cid: LIGHT BULB! Hey, Auron, would you mind marrying my daughter, you know, take her off my hands.

Rikku: POP!

Auron: Actually Cid, I wouldn't.

Rikku: Really!

Tidus: NO! I shall not let the love of my life get taken away from me! I will fight you for her Auron!

Tidus draws out his sword

Auron: Please, this will be no challenge!

Auron draws out his swords and kills Tidus in one hit

Auron: Told you.

Yuna stops running around in circles and sees Tidus's dead body

Yuna: No! You will pay for killing my love!

Rikku: Um, Yunie, its not like he loved you back.

Yuna: Well then, I will make you pay for stealing my love, and then killing him, Feel my pain, come Anima!

Yuna summons Anima and Anima does Oblivion on Auron

Yuna: Take that, BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Auron(who does not even have a scratch from Anima's attack and killed Anima in one hit): Think again! Die!

Auron kills Yuna in one hit

Auron: Come on Rikku, let's go!

Rikku: Ok, Auron.

Rikku and Auron leave hand-in-hand

Cid: Hm, maybe next time I'll pick guest that don't kill each other!

Kimahri walks in

Kimahri: Auron kill Yuna, Kimahri use life and bring Yuna back.

Kimahri does life on Yuna

Yuna: Thanks Kimahri, by the way, when did you learn White Magic?

Kimahri: Kimahri made favorite, ex-summoner stew. Kimahri ate Dona, Kimahri get Dona's abilities!

Yuna: Oh my.

Bartello runs in

Kimari: Oh no, Kimari must leave!

Bartello: You bring Dona back right now!

Kimahri: Kimahri cannot, Kimahri already digested Dona.

Yuna passes out

Bartello: Dona! Then eat me too!

Kimahri: If you wish.

Kimahri eats Bartello

Cid: Well then, that's all for today's show, see you tomorrow!


	2. Chapter 2

Episode 2 

Cid: Hello, and welcome to my show, today, instead of interviewing people, we are going to have an auction, provided by Clasko's Chocobo ranch.

Clasko, who looks like he is going to cry, comes in with about 22 chocobos

Cid: Clasko is bankrupt so he needs to sell all of him chocobos to live, anyone interested?

2 hours later

Cid: Ok, we have two chocobos left, anyone want them?

Calli: I WILL! I'll take the one with the read collar!

Clasko: No! NOT ELMA, SHE WAS MY FIRST CHOCOBO, I WONT LET YOU HAVE HER!

Cid: Oh, come one man, have you named all of your chocobos, I mean, there was, Paine, Yuna, Rikku, Elma, Lucil, Lulu, Calli, Leblance, and so on, what's up with that?

Clasko: I have a lot of free time…. I WONT LET YOU TAKE ELMA.

Cid: Let it go boy, you need the money. ANYONE WANT THE LAST CHOCOBO?

Garik: Garik will. Garik need chocobo to make Ronso favorite, chocobo meat soup!

Clasko: WHAT! I think I'm going to be sick.

Clasko faints and Calli and Garik leave with their new chocobos

Cid: Ok, thank you all for coming, see you next time!


	3. Chapter 3

Episode 3 

Cid: Welcome to my show, today we are so very lucky and have a very special guest, ladies and gentleman, meet……Barret?

Barret and his daughter are on stage, his daughter dressed as a diva

Cid: Barret? What the heck are you doing here, you are not my special guest!

Barret: Well, I am now. Marlene and me saw you on T.V yesterday and thought that this could be Marlene's big break! Isn't that right my precious.

Marlene: Yes daddy, hey look at me, I am on T.V. I am the ruler, the diva of the show, with out me there would be no Marlene's big show!

Cid: Marlene's big show? Hey, wait a minute, this is my show, you can't take it away from me!

Barret: Yes we can, it is ours now!

Cid: No, you will have to get through me to get this show!

Barret: Very well then, as you wish!

Barret loads his gun arm

Cid: Oh, whoops, umm, I didn't mean it!

Barret fires at Cid and burns him to a crisp

Cid: Owwww, security, take them away.

Machines from Shinra Inc. take Barret and his daughter and throw them out

Barret: How dare you use the one thing I hate most in this god dam world to kick me out, you will pay old friend, you will pay!

Cid: Ok, that's all for today's show, see you later….CAN SOME ONE CALL AN AMBULENCE!


	4. Chapter 4

Episode 4 

Cid: Welcome to Cid interviews, please don't mind the body cast, its from yesterday's show, but don't worry, I'm sewing Barret. But anyways, I would like to introduce to you, Wakka, from FF-X.

Wakka walks in and sits in a chair

Cid: Hello Wakka, what's up?

Wakka: You know, the usual ya.

Cid: Um, yes, so I have heard that you have gotten over hating Al Bhed, is it true?

Wakka: Totally ya, I have learned that Al Bhed are normal people, just like you and me.

Cid: Yes well, I should know since I am an Al Bhed, but you knew that already.

Wakka: I did, I don't remember you saying that you were an Al Bhed ya.

Cid: YOU WERE ON MY AIRSHIP WHEN WE BEAT SIN WHERN'T YOU!

Wakka: I was?

Cid: Oh, I get it, you are drunk again, aren't you.

Wakka: Yep ya.

Cid: Ok then, so tell me Wakka, this is a stupid question, but its what the audience wants to ask, who do you love these days?

Wakka: Well, lately me and Elma have been hitting it off pretty well ya!

Cid: Hold up a second, aren't you married to Lulu?

Wakka: I am?

Lulu walks in looking REALLY angry

Lulu: Yes you are!

Wakka: Oh, hi-ya Lu.

Lulu: DON'T YOU HI-YA ME YOU JERK! MOOGLES, CAT SITS, CAKTARS, TOMBERRIES, ATTACK!

All of Lulu's dolls charge at Wakka and Wakka runs around in circles with the dolls not far behind him

Wakka: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, YA, AHHHHHHHHHH!

Cid has a sweat drop

Cid: So….Lulu, how have you been?

Lulu: Much better now, thank you Cid!

Cid: So Lulu, do you think your dolls will catch up with Wakka pretty soon?

Lulu: I know they will.

Wakka stops running and falls to the ground as the dolls circle around him and start to do a weird little dance while squeaking rapidly

Lulu: Told you.

Cid: You were right, so tell me Lulu, what are the dolls doing to him right now?

Lulu: You mean their little dance, oh that, yes well, they will dance and squeak for a little bit until they are ready to attack, then they will cover all of Wakka's body with theirs, and then they will start using spells and bit him until he dances their little dance and sings, that is the only way they will stop hurting him.

Cid: Very interesting, lets watch shall we.

2 minutes later

The dolls are still squeaking and dancing

Wakka: My head hurts from all of this squeaking, make it stop ya!

Cid: So Lulu, how long until the dolls start attacking Wakka?

Lulu: In about 5,4,3,2,1.

The dolls jump into the air and start casting Firaga, spells like that and are biting Wakka to death

Cid: Yes, this is exciting, lets keep watching shall we!

Lulu: Yes, lets.

Wakka (with the dolls hanging on him with their teeth) is running around in circles

Wakka: OHHHHHHHH,AHHHHHHH, EHHHHHHH, PAAAAIIIIINNNN, ya. OH FOR YEVEN SAKES, MAKE THEM STOP,PLEASE LU, IT HURTS,ya.

Cid, Lulu, audience sweet drop

Cid: Ok, this is just way to pathetic, but funny, so we are going to keep on watching!

Dolls all of a sudden stop attacking Wakka and make a circle around him

Dolls: Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak.

Cid: What the-, um, Lulu, what the heck are the dolls doing now?

Lulu: They are summoning their mommies!

Cid: What mommies?

Lulu: You will see.

A giant Caktar and a giant tomberry appear

Cid: Oh, those mommiesclears throat e-hem, ladies and gentleman, I must please ask that children under 14 and anyone with weak stomachs to kindly leave the building, for this can get violent!

No one leaves

Cid: Ok, I warned you.

Wakka: Wow…..those are big dolls, umm, nice giant dolls, please don't hurt me, ya.

Big and little dolls: Squeak, doom on you, squeak, doom on you, squeak!

All the dolls blow up and Wakka with them

Lulu: Well, I guess that settles the Wakka issue.

Cid: LIGHT BULB! Hey, Lulu, now that your not married to Wakka anymore, you wouldn't by any chance be interested in going out to dinner with me would you?

Lulu: I would be more than happy to.

Cid: Well, that's all for today's show, see you next time on Cid interviews!


	5. Chapter 5

Episode 5 

Cid: Welcome back everyone, today's guest include Tifa, Aires and Cloud from FF VII.

Tifa, Cloud and Aires walk onto the stage and sit in chairs all next to each other

Cloud: What-up Cid.

Cid: Nothing much, what about you guys?

Tifa: Well, I'm as fine as ever, thanks Cid.

Aires: I am more than happy to be here! Thank you Cid.

Tifamumbling: No good rotten goodie-two-shoes, trying to steal my man.

Aires: What was that…Did you call me a goodie-two-shoes who is trying to steal your man, well you know what, CLOUD IS MY MAN, SO BACK OFF!

Tifa: Why don't you back off, I knew him first, so I should get him!

Aires: So what if you knew him longer, that doesn't mean anything, all it means is that Cloud had to look at your big ugly fat behind longer.

Tifa: OH, DON'T YOU GO THERE GIRLFRIEND!

Aires: Oh, what, you want to take this outside.

Tifa: Ah, no, I want to take this right here, right now.

Aires: Well then, bring it!

Aires and Tifa get in a cat-fight and it looks like Cloud does not even notice

Cid: Ummm, Cloud, you do know that they are fighting over you, don't you?

Cloud: Sights Yep, they do this a lot, you kinda get used to it after a while.

Cid: Oh, I see, so tell me Cloud, who do you love?

Tifa and Aires stop fighting for a second

Tifa: Yeah, who do you love?

Cloud starts sweating franticly

Cloud: Well, I, ummm, I , dam, why did I come to this show, I umm.

Aires: Well.

Cloud: I LOVE YUFFIE!

Aires and Tifa: WHAT!

Cid: Oh crud, not this again, CAN SOME ONE GET YUFFIE ON THE STAGE!

Yuffie comes on the stage

Cid: So Yuffie, do you love Cloud back.

Yuffie: ARE YOU CRAZY, ME IN LOVE WITH CLOUD, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH, I LOVE LEON!

Cloud starts crying

Tifa: Yuffie, how could you, Cloud loves you, and yet you love someone else!

Aires: How could you break Cloud's heart like that?

Tifa: Aires, maybe we should going forces!

Aires: And do what?

Tifa: Kill Yuffie, are you in?

Aires: I'm in, GET HER!

Aires and Tifa start chasing Yuffie around the room

Cid: Man, I really need to think out my guest more properly, I mean, everyone keeps wanting to kill someone or something else. CAN SOME ONE GET LEON ON THE STAGE?

Leon: What's up Cid? You called me? And why the heck is Cloud in the fetal position and Aires and Tifa chasing Yuffie around the room?

Cid: Umm, yes, well long story, so, I have a question to ask you.

Leon: Yeah, so what is it.

Cid: Do you love Yuffie?

Leon: Sorry, but no, she is just a friend.

Cid: Oh god, ok then, who do you love?

Leon: Well, um Lulu!

Cid: This could be a problem.

Leon: Why?

Cid: Because, Aires and Tifa love Cloud, but Cloud loves Yuffie, but Yuffie loves you, yet you love Lulu and Lulu loves Wakka, but Wakka loves Elma, and then Elma loves Clasko, Clasko loves Paine, but Paine loves Gippal, and then Gippal loves Leblance, then Leblance loves Nooj, but Nooj loves Lucil, and next Lucil loves Baraili, but he loves Yuna and Yuna loves Tidus, but Tidus loves Rikku, but Rikku doesn't love him but does love Auron and thankfully Auron loves Rikku back. And it finally stops here, oxygen, need oxygen, can't breathe!

Leon: Oh, I got it.

Cloud is still crying like a baby

Cid: Um, there-there son, everything will be ok, at least you can get your revenge on Leon by killing him, I mean-whoops.

Cloud stops crying

Cloud: Cid, you are right, OH LEON!

Cloud starts chasing Leon around the room with Aires, Tifa and Yuffie

Cid sweat drop

Cid: Well, that's all for today, later. Ok you guys, you can get off my stage now!


	6. Chapter 6

Episode 6

Cid: Hi-ya, ok, today I made sure I invited guest that were not going to kill each other, so I want you to meet Paine from the Gullwings!

Paine walks onto the stage

Paine: Hey Cid.

Cid: Welcome Paine, so, how has life treated you lately?

Paine: Same as usual, just going by life trying to forget my past, or try to fix it!

Cid: I see, so I got from a very accurate source, that you are dating Buddy, is it true?

Paine: What the, no, that's not true at all, who's the $$ hole that told you that, who ever it is, is getting hurt!

Cid: Well, I am not allowed to tell you where I get my information, its private.

Paine: You got it from Brother didn't you.

Cid: Yep, he is back stage if you want to kill him.

Paine: Thanks Cid! Oh Brother!

Paine goes back stage

Brother: Oh, hello Paine, you are looking quiet nice today!

Paine: Save it, you are so dead!

Brother: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DADDY, MAKE HER GO AWAY!

Cid: Sorry son, you are on your own!

Brother runs onto the stage with Paine close behind him

Paine: Oh, you are so getting hurt, GET BACK HERE!

Brother: Run, run, as fast as you can, but you can't catch me because I'm Yuna's man.

Paine: We will see about that, die!

Cid Sweat drop

Cid: Maybe Rikku was right, Paine wouldn't have been the best guest!

Brother: YOU THINK, AHHHHHHHHHH!

Cid: Well, that's all for today's show, I need to go and make sure Paine doesn't kill my only son! Later!


	7. Chapter 7

Episode 7 

Cid: Welcome back every one, ok, this time I am sure that I will have guests that don't kill each other, because well, they are kids! Everyone welcome Taro, Pacce and Hanna, aka the Kinderguardians!

Taro, Hanna and Pacce walk into the room

Pacce: Hi-ya Mr. Cid sir.

Cid: Hello and welcome, so I have heard you three are sphere hunters, is that true.

Hanna: Oh yes, we hunt spheres. Very pretty, sparkly, shiny spheres.

Cid: Ok then, right. So, why did you three become sphere hunters?

Pacce: Well, because, my big brother Issaru said that I should get a hobby, Hanna wanted to become rich, and Taro wanted to find spheres that might help him find out who his daddy is.

Hanna: And we finally found him.

Taro: Yeah, and I found out that I'm part Guado!

Cid: Oh, you did, so, who is your dad?

Taro: One second, OH DADDY!

Seymour walks in

Cid: WHAT THE, AHHHHHHHHHHH, NOT YOU AGAIN, WONT YOU JUST DIE ALREADY! LEAVE ME ALONE, RIKKU, AURON, GET YOUR BUTTS OVER HERE!

Rikku and Auron come onto the stage

Rikku: What do you want now pop, screams in a high voice WHAT THE HECK, WHY IS SEYMOUR HERE?

Seymour: Well, my son called me.

Cid: What the-Your Taro's father, well, if you are the dad, then who is the mom?

Taro: Yeah, who is my mommy, daddy?

Seymour: Well, if you must know, its Kairi from Kingdom Hearts.

Cid: That's just sick and wrong.

Seymour: And since all of you know, I must kill you all, except Taro of course.

Seymour transforms into his last scary form

Cid: Hey, this is my show, you can't do this.

Seymour: I can do what ever I want!

Rikku: whimpers Not again, he is scary like this.

Auron: Rikku, get behind me! I'll protect you!

Cid: What about me?

Auron: Cid, be a man and fight.

Cid: But I don't wanna!

Hanna: Well, Pa-Pacce, wha-what should w-we do-do now?

Pacce: The only thing we can do.

Taro: What's that?

Pacce: RUN AWAY!

Pacce, Hanna and Taro leave screaming like little girls

Auron: Very well then, I guess its just you and me Cid, and Rikku too if you want to fight.

Rikku: Um, no, I'm ok, I'll just stay right here.

Auron: Very well, just make sure you are far enough from Seymour, I don't want to see you get hurt.

Rikku: Ok then!

Rikku runs to the far other side of the room

Seymour: I will take your lives this time!

Kairi walks in

Kairi: OH NO YOU DON'T MISTER, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE. WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE! YOU ARE SETTING SUCH A BAD EXAMPLE FOR OUR SON, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

Rikku: Oh, Seymour is in so much trouble, ha ha!

Seymour: Sorry honey.

Kairi: Don't sorry me, now come on, we will discuss your punishment when we get home.

Kairi and Seymour leave

Cid: Yes, I AM A LIVE! Take that Seymour, oh yeah, who rules, I do, oh yeah!

Auron and Rikku sweat drop

Rikku: Um, pop, not trying to burst your bubble or anything, but you didn't even try to fight.

Cid: so?

Auron: Come on Rikku, lets get out of here!

Rikku: Ok!

Auron and Rikku leave

Clasko runs in wearing a mailman uniform

Cid: Clasko, what the heck?

Clasko: It's my new job, I have a letter for you from the T.V recording people.

Cid: Oh, let me see!

Cid reads the letter

Cid: Clears throat Well, sorry ladies and gentleman, but the company has canceled my show because they say its way to violent, so, I guess this is my last showing, so later and thank you for watching Cid Interviews!

The end! 


End file.
